Self-Care during Divorce: Meeting Yourself with Intention

Introduction:

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine this:

Every time you needed support, comfort, or nourishment, someone appears right beside you. They'd offer exactly what you needed in that moment: a warm drink, a gentle hand on your shoulder, a quiet space to breathe, and words of encouragement.

This person would know you so well they'd anticipate your needs before you even voiced them. They'd show up after the hard conversation with your ex, after the mediation meeting that left you drained, after the day you barely held it together for your kids.

They'd remind you of your strength. They'd help you remember who you are beneath all the roles you've been playing.

Sounds beautiful, doesn't it?

Here's the truth: You already have access to this kind of care. Because that person is you.

Self-care isn't about bubble baths and face masks (although those can be lovely). It's about becoming the most attuned, compassionate witness to your own needs. It's about learning to meet yourself exactly where you are, over and over again, with tenderness and intention.

And especially during seasons of transition, grief, or transformation (like divorce) this practice isn't a luxury. It's survival. It's reclamation. It's how you come home to yourself.

The Two Parts of True Self-Care

Part One: Knowing What You Need

This requires you to slow down long enough to listen. To check in with your body, your heart, your nervous system. To ask: What do I actually need right now?

Not what you think you should need. Not what would make you look productive or put-together. But what would truly serve your well-being in this moment.

Part Two: Actually Doing It

Knowing isn't enough. You have to follow through. You have to choose yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Even when part of you whispers that you don't deserve it, that others' needs matter more, that you should be able to push through without rest.

Self-care is a practice, one that requires repetition, commitment, and grace. Let's explore how to build it into your life.

Photo by Tara Winstead

Creating Your Self-Care Menu

Start by making a list of activities that genuinely nourish you. These should be things that feel good in your body, that quiet the noise in your mind, that reconnect you to the present moment.

A few guidelines as you build your list:

• Focus on what you can do independently. You don't want to rely on someone else's availability or cooperation to access your own well-being.

• Choose mostly low-cost, low-effort options. The point isn't to add more stress or complexity to your life.

• Include a range of practices. Some that move your body, some that quiet your mind, some that engage your creativity or spirit.

Here are some examples to inspire you:

• Take a walk in nature (studies show that even 20 minutes outside can significantly reduce cortisol levels and improve mood)

• Spend time in a bookstore or library

• Sit in a coffee shop with your journal

• Practice yoga or gentle stretching

• Take a bath with Epsom salts

• Read something that feeds your soul

• Meditate or practice breathwork

• Create something with your hands (draw, paint, or garden)

• Go swimming or move your body in water

• Take photographs of something beautiful

• Set up a hammock and lie under the sky

• Watch a movie that makes you feel something

• Lift weights or do strength training

• Work on a puzzle

• Play with a pet

Once you have your list, the next step is crucial: deciding when you'll actually practice these things.

Three Types of Self-Care to Schedule

1. Routine Self-Care: The Foundation

This is your daily anchor. The non-negotiables that keep your nervous system regulated and your body resourced.

What it looks like:

• A morning routine that grounds you before the day begins

• An evening routine that signals safety and rest

• Nourishing your body with food that feels good

• Moving your body in some way, every day

• Protecting your sleep

When to do it: Every single day. Build these practices into the rhythm of your life until they become as automatic as brushing your teeth.

Use reminders on your phone if needed: "Evening wind-down," "Drink water," "Move your body."

2. Healing Self-Care: The Deeper Work

This is where transformation happens. This is the conscious choice to tend to your inner landscape—to process grief, rebuild self-trust, and reconnect with your authentic self.

What it looks like:

• Working with a therapist or coach who sees you

• Joining a support group where you don't have to explain yourself

• Practicing positive self-talk and affirmations

• Doing mirror work or self-love meditations

• Journaling through difficult emotions

• Somatic practices that help you release what's stored in your body

When to do it:

• When you're feeling stuck or disconnected from yourself

• When anxiety, depression, or overwhelm persist despite your routine self-care

• When you're ready to grow, to shed old patterns, to step into a more aligned version of yourself

3. Preventative Self-Care: The Safety Net

This is where you get strategic. Where you look ahead at your calendar and life circumstances and create intentional buffers around the things you know will be hard.

What it looks like:

• Scheduling a day off after a stressful event to recover

• Booking a massage or therapy session before a triggering holiday or court date

• Setting your alarm an hour early on days you have important meetings, so you can ground yourself first

• Planning something nourishing for the evening after you have to see your ex

• Building in transition time between work and parenting so you can shift your energy

When to do it: By knowing your own patterns (what depletes you, what triggers you, what times are hardest), you can plan ahead. You become your own compassionate caretaker, anticipating your needs and meeting them before you're already in crisis.

Making It Happen: Radical, Intentional Action

Here's what I know from walking beside women through divorce and life transitions: No one is coming to remind you to take care of yourself. No one is going to prioritize your well-being more than you do.

There will be days when rest feels like an indulgence you can't afford. Days when the idea of taking a bath or going for a walk seems impossible in the face of everything else on your plate.

But let me say this clearly: You need the rest. You need the walk. You need the moment of presence and care.

It's not selfish. It's how you survive. It's how you heal. It's how you model for your children (if you have them) what it looks like to honor your own humanity.

Here's how to support yourself in this practice:

• Tell the people in your life. Let your family, your friends, your support system know that you're prioritizing your well-being. Ask them to respect your boundaries and cheer you on.

• Find accountability. Partner with a friend who's also committed to self-care. Check in with each other. Celebrate the small wins.

• Track your progress. Keep a simple log. Put a check mark for each day you practiced some form of self-care. Watch the pattern build. Notice how it feels in your body.

• Check in throughout the day. Multiple times, pause and ask yourself: What do I need right now? Then listen. And then act.

You Are Worth Caring For

Only you know what you truly need in any given moment. Only you can feel what's happening in your body, your heart, your nervous system.

This is your power. This is your responsibility. This is your path back to yourself.

Self-care isn't about perfection. It's about presence. It's about learning to be with yourself the way you wish someone else would be with you: attentive, compassionate, unwavering in the belief that you matter.

You are worth the time. You are worth the effort. You are worth the radical act of choosing yourself, again and again and again.

So take a breath. Ask yourself what you need. And then, with all the love you can muster, give it to yourself.