Who do you have in your corner? Are there people in your life who “have your back”?
A network of support in all areas of your life is invaluable to your mental health and well-being.
You probably already have people in your network. These are the people who stand behind you, who “get” you. They don’t judge. They don’t shame. They want what’s best for YOU, without concern of what they have to gain. They are the people who feel “good” to be around because they are honest and they support YOUR goals.
It is important to have a variety of people supporting you. If everyone you talk to simply tells you what you want to hear, there is no room for growth or new ideas.
The foundation of a support network consists of individual building blocks that aid you on your own personal journey.
People
Resources
Professionals
Education
Tools
Groups
But where can you go to find these things? Where do you start?
Here are some categories which make up a support network:
1. Family
A supportive family fits the guidelines listed above. They want what is best for YOU and do not manipulate you for their personal gain. Supportive family members who are willing to listen and grow alongside you are indispensable!
2. Friends
Friends are like our chosen family. They spend time together because they want to. Friendships should feel energizing and positive, not draining. Friends should accept each other and be able to communicate to each other without fear of judgement.
3. Professionals
Having an educated and unbiased professional to talk to can show you different sides to the same problem. Where a parent or friend may unconsciously enable you, a professional will make your health and well-being their only priority. A therapist, life-coach, doctor or other healthcare provider can fill this role in your support network.
4. Community
Your neighbors, local clubs, sports teams, schools and community groups are a great resource for different viewpoints and support. Exploring these outlying groups will help you discover a variety of approaches to anything you may be going through.
5. Coworkers or colleagues
These are the people who can empathize with all things work. Similar interests, values or skills brought you together. Chances are you have something in common. Speaking with someone from this group offers a unique perspective that family and friends can not provide.
5. Support groups
People come to support groups to connect with others on a shared and specific topic. These groups can function as a network of support without the added layer of personal relationship. Check out The LooM’s blog on how to find a support group for more information.
6. Virtual Community
The internet provides access to a whole WORLD of people. There are online chat rooms, groups and communities for any and all types of people. From anime watchers, to compulsive shoppers, to moms of triplets. You CAN find your people.
Where to start
Begin with an inventory of each category of support. Make a list of all the people and groups that already exist in your life. List your coworkers, friends, family etc. If you don’t belong to any community groups or online groups take a moment to list groups you think you would fit into (if you like soccer but aren’t on a team - add that to the list as a potential group).
Next to each name put a check mark if that person or group lifts you up, has your back, makes you feel good and is easy to talk to. Place an X next to people who drain your energy, manipulate you or tend to speak more negatively.
Tally up the check marks in each category. Try to aim for at least one in each. Having this variety in your network will act as a system of checks and balances to keep you on the right track with your health and wellness.
You are the sum of the people you surround yourself with. Try to remember that when choosing who you want to support you. If you wouldn’t like to live like the person, then why would you lean on them for support or advice?
Try this:
If you were able to sit down to dinner with 10 people you would most like to model yourself after (alive or dead, celebrities, fictional characters, ANYONE). Who would you pick? This list of 10 can really guide you to understand what values are important to you. Does your current network represent those values? If not, where can you look for those types of people?
Finally : Your support network is only useful if you use it.
Once you take the time to build your network you must nurture it and engage with it.
Decide how much time you have for interaction with each category. Maybe each month you have time for two social engagements, one community activity, 2 work lunches etc..
Reach out! Make the plans.
Show appreciation. If a friend is always there to listen, tell them how meaningful that is to you. Give back to them when and where you can. Support is best when it goes both ways.
Face your fears. Try new things. Engage with new people!
If it feels wrong, let it go. Not everyone is the right fit for your best health. It’s not easy but it’s important to let go of relationships that aren’t serving you.
Check back to the LooM for more blogs on how to do ALL the healthy things. Reading and educating yourself is another important tool in your tool belt.
Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep coming back!
Written by Maeby Lopez, Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and Professional Organizer
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