What if every time you needed him there was a helpful little butler right by your side?
He’d have a cold drink, a hug, an aspirin, a listening ear, a yummy meal, a new dress, a massage, a coffee…
Your little butler would anticipate your need and show up at the most convenient time.
(Oh and he’d wear a monocle… )
What if you could plan on him showing up just after the stressful meeting you have next week - He’d rub your shoulders and give you a pep talk. Then he’d hand you the key to your freshly detailed car and compliment you on your ability to still have a good hair day in the face of stress.
Ahh… What a nice guy…
Oh wait.. That’s right.. Not too many of us actually have a butler!
But what if YOU could be your own caretaker?
Knowing what helps you feel better is the first part of self - care.
Making sure you DO those things to actually help yourself is the second.
Practicing self - care is a habit to develop. Read on to get started…
What is MY self - care?
Start by making a list of all the things that you enjoy.
Try to focus on activities that you can do without having to depend on anyone else.
Choose mostly things that don’t cost a lot of money or involve a lot of effort or planning.
My list looks like this:
Go for a walk
Spend time in a bookstore
Go to a coffee shop
Do yoga
Exercise
Take a bath
Read
Meditate
Draw
Go swimming
Go somewhere and take pictures
Set up my hammock somewhere
Go to a movie
Lift weights
Do a puzzle
Play with my pets
Great!! Now that you have your list of “feel good” activities - It’s time to figure out when you're going to do them…
When will I do it?
Having a plan to take care of yourself is almost as important as actually doing it!
If you wait until you are stressed and depleted of energy - the chances of using unhealthy coping techniques will be higher. Here are a few times to plug self-care into your schedule:
Routine Self - Care
What it looks like:
Develop a morning and evening routine.
Practice healthy habits like eating well and getting enough sleep.
Move your body at least a little bit every day.
When to do it:
Every day!
Make it a habit.
Use reminders on your phone (“go for a walk, drink water, evening routine”)
Healing Self - Care
What it is:
This is doing the deeper work
Getting the help you need - counseling, groups, support etc.
Positive self - talk , mirror work, self- love meditation, affirmations
Read more here
When to use it:
When you are feeling stuck
If you are struggling with mental health
When you want to focus on personal growth
Preventative Self Care
What it is:
Creating safety nets around your well being
Examples: Scheduling a day off after a trip to recuperate, planning a massage for the morning of your mother in law’s next visit, speaking with a counselor once in a while for mental health “maintenance”, setting your alarm an hour early so you won’t be rushed in the morning.
When to do it:
By knowing your times of stress and when you need the most comfort you can plan ahead to have healthy coping tools in place (you can be your own little self-care butler).
DO IT! Time for some radical, intentional action!
No one will be there to remind you to practice self care. There will be times when taking a bath seems more like a luxury than a medical necessity… Take it from me…. You NEED the bath.
Here are some tips to encourage your practice:
Tell your family your plan and get them on board to support you.
Have a friend hold you accountable - check in on each other’s self - care efforts
Track your progress - give yourself a check for each day you took care of your needs.
Check in often - ask yourself multiple times each day “what do I need right NOW?”
Only YOU know what you need at any given moment. Take a minute to look inside yourself and ask - “what do you need?” Once you have your answer, make it happen!
Being good to yourself, nurturing yourself, is an important part of healthy living, so call up your butler and bring on the self - care!
Written by Maeby Lopez, Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and Professional Organizer
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